World of Wood

The Wonderful World of Wood:

Next Change: Saturday 31st July 2010

Joke Page 4:

Subject: Stupidity

Stupidity is becoming more and more visible in society today, partly because communications technology is bringing examples to us at an ever faster pace, and partly because there's more freakin' stupid people around than ever before....

Now don't get me wrong.... it's not like I think there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but to make things easier, why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..

But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the Ute, making beer.. Always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.

I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'

The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

E-mail redirect. --Finally, someone has explained this.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassy in Washington , D.C. , has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he's won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a Taxi cab or a motel in America . If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with technical support.

A man was driving down the road and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window.

The bee said, 'What seems to be the problem?'

'I'm out of gas,' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

'Try it now,' said one bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. 'Wow!' the man exclaimed, 'what did you put in my gas tank'? The bee answered,

"Bee Pee"

Subject: The blonde wife

Dave's blonde wife was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing the checking account.

"The bank returned the check you wrote to the department store," Dave said.

"Good," she replied. "Now I can use it to buy something else."

A stock analyst and a Wall Street broker went to the race-track. The broker suggested betting $12,000 on a certain horse. The analyst was skeptical; he had never been to the races before and wanted to understand the rules and look over all the horses before placing a wager.

"You're too cautious and detail-oriented," the broker criticized as he placed his large bet. His horse won and he raked in a bundle of money.

"What's your secret?" the analyst asked.

"It's simple," the broker explained. "I have two kids... ages two and six...so I add their ages together and bet on number nine."

"But two and six is eight, not nine!" protested the analyst.

"See!" the broker replied, "I told you you're too cautious and detail- oriented."